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JTTS is a WordPress #based blog. Our back end (pause) is cluttered with poasts that were started and abandoned. WordPress calls them “Drafts”.
Today I was glancing through our “drafts” folder and I realized that there are several hundred poasts in there. Ideas that at one point had the opportunity to be the next “FUCK COMCAST” or even the next “K-I-S-S-I-N-G“.
These long forgotten ideas will remain a mystery to us all.. but I’ve sifted through much of the bullshit to present to you:
The Top Nine JTTS Poasts That Never Were.
AFTER THE JUMP….
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#9. Is a very interesting poast. As you can see the poast says “No Title” – but that is not the full story here. This draft was created in late August, 2 months after Marty stopped blogging on JTTS without warning, explanation, or discussion. Roughly It looks as though Martin Caballero was staging a comeback. I wonder what could have been…
I can picture him, drunk from an assignment out at [Insert New Local Craft Beer Bar In Somerville] where he was drinking $9 12 oz beers, staggering home to find his girlfriend asleep in bed. He halfheartedly tries to wake her for conversation, possibly more. She refuses his advances.
He moves to the kitchen for a nightcap, glancing over at his laptop on the kitchen counter, open, glowing… He opens his browser.. His homepage, still set to JTTS.com.
He thinks for a moment about his journalistic legacy and dismisses his thoughts in the same instant. “JTTS is the past” he tells himself one last time before turning to the refrigerator for one final drink. He searches through the refrigerator contents; he’s down to hardly any beer… but he finds one, a PBR tucked in the back behind a half drank bottle of Simply Orange Juice. He chuckles to himself at the irony.
Cracking open the PBR he makes his way back to the living room, turns on the TV and searches for meaning. He finds none. Exasperated he exhales, furrows his hands across his thick Argentinian skull and in that instant, the nagging thought about his legacy overtakes him.
“JTTS IS my legacy..” he realizes aloud.
Renewed with a sense of purpose, he runs back to the kitchen and logs in to the JTTS back end (pause). He prepares his thoughts for his 3000 word comeback poast. He clicks on the button to begin a new poast.. and that’s when it happens.
“Marty come to bed…” his girlfriend cries out.
Marty wipes the sweat from his brow and shivers. “It wasn’t meant to be” he murmurs to himself, half relieved and half unsure as he pours the last sip of his PBR down the drain of his kitchen sink.
“I’ll be right there…” Marty responds.
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#8. This poast is obviously related to this one. Knife’s dog (aka frog) Darrius died suddenly a few months back. He wrote a very touching tribute to Darrius in this poast here.
For weeks Knife was not the same. Coupled with the realization he is a grown man living with children that are not his, he was just getting over the loss of his roommate and common law husband of 7 years, namely me. He could not stand to lose another friend so suddenly. The loss of Darrius really affected him.
The title – “GARY NEEDS CLOSURE” – written in all caps, presumably after a night of heavy drinking and drug use at a random shitty DJ gig near Fanuiel Hall was not so much about Knife’s surviving frog “Gary” – but it was about Knife himself. Knife needed closure. Not Gary.
One can only assume Gary is still alive in Knife’s room swimming happily in the adjacent cube next to the space where Darrius once existed. But what about Knife? Did he ever find his closure?
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#7. One of the earliest drafts in nearly 200 unfinished poasts comes to us again from Marty Caballero. Who knows what this amazingly titled poast could have revealed.
From all standard appearances it never appeared that Marty had a skin condition of any kind and history shows us that Marty was not one to blog about himself in the “REALITY BLOGGING” styles of DJ ON&ON and myself.
One can only assume it was somehow related to hip hop, perhaps a product endorsement? Whatever his intentions – this poast piques my curiosity. Since it was originally penned in 2008, we can only hope that whoever he was referring to has since found a good dermatologist.
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#6. Remember Yukonn MC?
This poast, titled “R” could have potentially been one of his greatest poasts of all time. His poasts were terrible, as evidenced here, here, and here. However.. what if this was the turning point? This was in fact the last poast he ever wrote for JTTS. What could he have been concocting?
“R… ap Music”
“R… eality Blogging”
“R… etirement?”
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#5. As evidenced time and again, JTTS was instrumental in Chris Faraones entire career. A fact he so callously glosses over in his revisionist biography seen here on HIS FUCKING WIKIPEDIA PAGE!!!!?
Anyway, JTTS was basically his online hard drive during much of the Occupy Movement. Please note the draft I sandwiched in between his many thoughts.
What Faraone is up to now is anyone’s guess. I hope he accepts my letter of apology for being a dick to him all these years when I go through my 12 step program in a few weeks/months/years.
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#4. This is classic drunk late night suicidal Trees. I wrote this entire poast and didn’t publish it. Well guess what.. I published it today. You can see why I did not put it up back then. I was hammered coming home from a bar and I hated everything – obviously including myself.
It was so poorly written and thought out that I deleted from JTTS out of pure embarrassment and shame. Two emotions I feel so rarely (along with love).
Relive my idiocy and stupidity if you you so choose by clicking here.
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#3. I… can only imagine.
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#2. Yukonn with another horrific poast. You can just tell how bad this poast is without even needing to read into it at all. All I can say is I am choosing to place this at #2 because in my opinion, the Yukonn era of JTTS is still one of the best and most overlooked periods of JTTS history. He helped bridge the gap from Faraone’s absence as whipping boy, and carried the weight of hate like an iron cross. He provided material for our best commentor of all time WITE.
The Yukonn era is slept on in JTTS lore. I might make another dedicated poast to just that timeframe. We also need a full recap of General’s Stoor’s legacy as well. Blog gold right there.
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#1. No contest. This poast spawned so many careers, friendships, heartaches, lawsuits, tweet wars, blog wars, press coverage, lawyer fees… We never deleted it. We just “unpublished” it. It’s still sitting there. Waiting… waiting to see the light of day again. It probably never will. I can’t afford a fucking lawyer for this fucking blog.