What would bloggers do at the end of the year without a list. We fucking love lists: top albums of the year, best Justin Beiber freestyles, most stalked KarmaLoop model…take just about any possible subject, no matter how mundane, and we’ll find a way to rank them from 1-10. We even have people still commenting with righteous fury about Faraone’s long-abandoned “Top 100 Rappers of All-Time” posts over a year later, like some message board thread that refuses to die.
But in coordinating (no typo) this end-of-the-year post, I had to stop and look around for a minute at the people who have somehow ended up in this internet vortex we call JTTS: Chris Faraone, a man who’s like to make modest titles for himself like “one of the last writers out there who actually cares about music”; JKFGT, a living, breathing internet meme who uploads his soul onto faceless Tumblr accounts twice a week; ON&ON, a man who’s bitterness is the only thing keeping his body functioning; and Sleezy Trees, a man who would proudly argue with anyone about how he either saved or killed hip-hop, depending on what emotional wave he’s riding (and how much he’s been served). Put all these assholes in one blog and you get lists like this: The 5 Reasons Why Hip Hop Was Dead in 2011.
How A$AP Rocky Ruined My Year - Chris Faraone
I take it as the highest compliment that everyone on JumpTheTurnStyle thinks I have the worst taste of any rap critic out there. For one, it’s funny, since I have ten times the platform of any of you assholes, and I barely even cover music anymore. And for two, the whole thing just cracks me up since I’m one of the last writers out there who actually cares about music, and not how hard my dick gets over some heavily buzzed nu-rapper.
On that note, I’m flabbergasted over the trending popularity of A$AP Rocky. Not just because he couldn’t rap his way out of a tinfoil hat, or because “Purple Swag” is the lamest combination of played out ingredients since peanut butter and jelly in the same jar. What burns me is this guy’s name, and how no one seems to care that there’s a dude named Aesop Rock, who, I might add, is a poetic and musical genius to this fool’s ignoramus.
Furthermore . . . I don’t fucking care if Aesop Rock is a big ASAP Rocky fan anymore than I care that MCs who I respect like Nas and Brother Ali listen to southern shitbags who I deplore. The fact that rappers don’t know or give a damn if an underground legend has an awfully similar name to their own handle just kills me, and in this case I think it qualifies as the worst rap move of the year. The only thing more offensive, perhaps, is the extent to which this dumb ass blog helped promote this no-talent jerkoff.
(Too Much) Respecting People’s ‘Hustle’ – El Caballero
When hip hop is suffering from a surplus of respect, you know the end is near. Where we once joined together to shit on artists’ garbage creative output (see: UGHH forums), social media has shifted the conversation to be about how hard (pause) artists work, as if the Tweeting, posting and sharing are the ends and not the means.
A conversation with a typical 21st century rap bro about the current shitty flavor of the month usually ends with something along the lines of “I mean I PERSONALLY don’t like this guy but I respect his grustle” i.e. how many Twitter followers he has (this usually occurs while said bro is Tweeting live from said artist’s concert, mind you).
That’s the equivalent of admiring someone’s technique after they just Cobra Kai snap kicked you in the balls. Shit, I think the North Korean government is oppressive and brutal, but I respect Kim Jung-Il (and now Glorious Pudgy Leader Son) for really giving it their all, right? As for the guy sitting in the studio trying to perfect a song he’s been working on for weeks? Yeah, that’s nice and all but where is my 676-song mix tape that drops on 15 different social networks? I mean that dude is winning right? Diddy has been making bath tubs of money for almost twenty years now, but I don’t remember anyone saying with a straight face that they respected him caking off Sean John when he squeezed out turd albums like “Forever” in the early 2000s (blogging live from the rocking chair on that one). Granted, he’s an easy target, but the list goes on. I’m sure some of you even gave Sam Adams credit.
When quality of music comes second to how well you play the new-age Internet rap game, you can shovel that last bit of dirt on hip hop’s grave.
Old Man Trees Hates Kids And You Should Too - Sleezy Treez
2010 was pretty much the year that Frat Rap broke into the mainstream. It was handled pretty honestly and appropriately by the hip hop world. Slaine called out Sam Adams, JKFGT’s fratrap.tumblr.com was more or less a running joke, and swag rap started to emerge giving hope that the hood would once again run the creative direction of hip hop.
Well, in 2011 Frat Rap not only failed to disappear, it fucking blew the fuck up. In the 3 years since Asher Roth dropped “I Love College” – Frat Rap is stronger than ever and unfortunately being cosigned the fuck out of by “respected” hip hop heavyweights. Slaine has deaded his beef with Sam Adams. Statik Selektah and Termanology are dropping 12”s on Brick with Mac Miller, JKFGT’s Frat Rap Tumblr gets more press than JTTS, JayCeeOh is Sam Adams DJ, and Action Bronson is making music with Asher Roth.
And don’t get me started on Christopher “Occupy Trends” Faraone..
Why are people so quick to cosign these frat rap fgts?
I am going to go right to the core of this issue. Basically, in lieu of continuing their standard pace of marketing their brand to a shrinking fan base of “real” hip hop heads and performing in front of audiences consisting of 99% dudes in baggy hoodies and LRG jeans, they want to rock with the winning team. Have you been to Sam Adams show or a Mac Miller or a Chris Webby one? Guess what; these shows sell out in 20 minutes. They are fucking brimming with hot, college sluts drunk off PBR and Natty Light. They play fucking dubstep bro. Dubstep. Who wouldn’t want to be down with that?
But this is why hip hop is dead in 2011 – and let me get my old man on right quick: These industry veterans are not standing up for the O.G. shit. I mean, there is no one calling these kids out for being terrible at rap, not respecting their history, and for basically lacking originality even among their own subgenre – I mean, how many frat rappers do you even need? When is there ENOUGH frat rappers? When will someone address this and call fuckers out? You think Action Bronson would put Asher Roth on HIS album?
My point is, it’s okay to hate. Stop being so vanilla with your brand. Let’s beat up some frat rappers in 2012. Thank you. Goodnight.
Love,
Old Man Trees